Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
