Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
