I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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