Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Randomize
