I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
