im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
even my farts smell like vagina
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
