i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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