My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
