Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We are two peas in an std pod
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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