Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
