Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
