Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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