Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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