Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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