Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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