I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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