He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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