I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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