I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
