worst night to have a conscience
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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