So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Its about making memories worth repressing
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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