Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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