My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
