I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
