I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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