Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm at about main and main street
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
