dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
