I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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