we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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