Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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