Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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