You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
