i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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