i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
