he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
