final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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