My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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