The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
