You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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