I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
