awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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