That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
