I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
