your thong is hanging out like whoa
I cockslap morals
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
