I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
