The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
