If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
