I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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