used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
