Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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