she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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