You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
