God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
