So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
